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The prayer of my heart

November 6, 2013

This song is the last gift my dad gave to me. A few days before he died, he texted this song to me and my siblings. He had also played it for Mom and Craig at home. Erica and I listened to it together and appreciated it. The next day, he texted again to ask how we liked it. “It’s really good, Dad,” I said. “I really like Matt Maher.” And that was it.

He had never texted me a song before, so something about this one spoke to him. Maybe it was a song that brought him comfort when work and life got tough. Maybe he thought we could relate to it in the challenges of new jobs, moving across country, starting businesses, etc. Or maybe he just thought it had a nice sound. Regardless, he had no idea how this song would speak to us and our hearts in the days and months since he left.

We played it at his funeral, and it was the only time I cried throughout the service. I was too spent, too dried up, too exhausted by grief. And then I avoided the song for months-turning off the radio when it came on, leaving church when the band unexpectedly started to play it, because it unleashed a guaranteed flood of tears and the memories hurt. But today I’ve listened to it on repeat, because truly, it is the prayer of my heart. These days when grief seems to consume me, for my father and for the now two babies that have died in my womb, I can only hope for a better tomorrow, a day when the joys outweigh the heaviness.

So today, this song is my gift to you, too. May it bring you peace, comfort, and blessings.

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